you're my compass my magnetic north
by ashleyt
Summary: Home is not a place but a person.


Bonnie wasn't an overachiever from birth, it's something she learned to be for her sad, distant father and drunk, troubled grams. Abby Bennett was a trouble that Bonnie refused to be. Her mother a distant memory that she carefully bottled up and pushed away until the hurt was a distant tingle beneath her skin. Mothers loved their children and all that jazz. But not hers or maybe she had but it wasn't enough. These thoughts hardened her, made her more determined to reach perfection in all aspects of her life.

Which is why the plan to get home from 1994 (and all that goddamn flannel) was as decisive and excellently executed as it had been. Hey a slight 1903 bump in the road hadn't deterred her a bit thank you very much.

The only problem was that she was home. The end.

Death was supposed to be final yet here she is sitting alone in her single dorm room with nothing to do and so much emptiness in her heart.

Plus there was the rage. Damn Salvatore had a lot of fucking nerve.

Stretching out of her yoga pose, Bonnie stood, done attempting to meditate her emotions into place. It wouldn't make her hate Damon any less. It wouldn't erase the smell of his blood or the hunger to inflict pain on a being that could take what she gave. And, a cruel part of her whispered (in a voice that sounded eerily like Caroline), it wouldn't make her forget the way her body hummed at that party when Damon kissed her.

Her body still burned with the memory of his taste and the feel of his body against hers. Blood had coated his body from the wounds she inflicted yet his strength had been insurmountable as he kept her pinned to him mouth first. He surrounded her inside and out, frying her brain until she could only feel the need to get closer.

If her phone hadn't rung with Elena's personalized ring tone, she might have let him do anything he wanted. But it had and after willing herself to do the right thing, she used her magic to push him away and out of her room.

Now she was a mess, need and desire fought with her anger and guilt for this frenzy they were in. Pushing it to the back of her mind, Bonnie decided to focus on goals that would bridge her back into the world and also keep her too busy to stress herself over what was clearly a stupid mistake on both of their parts. Letting a bit of old Bonnie take the reign, she was going to stick to the plan of getting her life back together.

And maybe use her fingers to take the edge off in the shower.

****************

Of course this is Mystic Falls so there's a life to save (or two or three) in the interim and Elena makes a couple of bad decisions that she has to stand by because of best friend status but in the end she keeps to her plan by enrolling in enough classes this summer to make up for two deaths.

Today is a grey, wet day and Bonnie feels like a kid again as she stomps around in her rain boots. She's on her way to the local herb store to apply for a part time job. Since her return to the present, her body has been restless and bored with her regular schedule of school, friends, and crisis. She figures that the best way to get herself out of this slump is to get a job. And what better place to work than the place she gets her magical ingredients from?

She stops to the right of the store under an awning, smoothing her dress and hair, hoping that the wet dog look isn't going to be her fashion statement today when a familiar face exits the shop. She hadn't seen Damon since she told him to go away, she'd thought about him plenty but it didn't carry the same weight as seeing him in person did.

He looked good as always and that only served to make her angrier. Turning away from him, she pulled out her compact mirror to reapply her lipstick and also to give herself some time to get herself under control. Just looking at him made her want to get her claws out which only served to give him more ammunition to use against her.

"Bon Bon" Her silly nickname rolling off his tongue grated at her nerves, "So good to see you"

Turning around she smiled sweetly, "Damon. Go away" and walked to the side in the hopes of going around him. Of course he moved to block her and when she tried to turn around he was in front of her again. Grabbing her arm, he dragged her into an alley before letting her go.

Anger surged through her, "Damon, I'm busy"

He ran his hand behind his neck, a sign she knew meant he was uncomfortable before stepping into her face, "I shouldn't have kissed you"

Stunned, Bonnie stepped back and folded her arms to create some space between them, "No you shouldn't have but I also kissed you back so I'm just as bad. You and Elena broke up and I am really needy right now but I shouldn't have let it happen."

"You did kiss me back"

"Damon", she gave him an exasperated look, "In case you forgot, I'm also still really really pissed at you"

He flung his arms open with a look that screamed _what can you do_ , "Bonnie I've got something for you that will make you forget all about that".

"Please share"

He made a tsk tsk sound, "Not yet" He paused as his eyes took a serious glint, "I worried when I didn't see you these past days"

Blinking, she searched his face trying to figure out if this was a new game he was playing, "Damon, I'm here and not in 1994. I know you care but we're not all we have anymore, you might go a week without seeing me. This is the real world"

"I know. I just worry"

She could feel that anger dissipating. It was always like that between them, she'd get mad and he'd do something that showed her another side of him and she'd get over whatever it is that she was upset about.

"Well I'm still mad so you'll have to keep worrying"

He stepped towards her, "You're not still mad, I can tell"

"Yes" He took another step forward, she quickly stepped back, "No"

Grinning he stepped forward, placing a hand on her chin forcing her to look up at him, "Promise me that even if you want to steal my ring and lock me in a sun filled room, you'll text me"

Caught in the snare of his blue eyes, she could only nod. He let go and stepped back giving her breathing room which she needed. To say she was confused was an understatement. Her relationship with Damon had undeniably changed with their time spent in 1994. Now it was clashing with what she remembered her world had been before dying and well, it was weird. Jeremy was gone, Stefan and Caroline were unbearably in love. Tyler was pre-wolf and in love with Liv whose twin had been consumed by Kai. Alaric was a human. So many changes had taken place without her.

She didn't know if she fit into this world anymore and she wasn't sure how she and Damon could fit together.

Shaking off the depressing thoughts she forced a smile, "I will. I am busy though. I'm applying for the part time position at the store".

One eyebrow lifted, "Have you ever worked before?"

"Uh, no"

"Why do you need to work anyway? You're a badass Bennett witch. You could just charge people when you do spells for them?"

"Well you're rich. I could live off the money you'd pay me for all the magic I do for you"

"On second thought"

Her smile was real this time, looking down at her watch she realized she didn't have much time left before the store closed. She sighed needing to get something out, "I need this Damon, I'm back in the world but I don't feel a part of it."

Nodding, he slipped an arm around her shoulder, leading them back towards the main street and her destination. "Yeah, we came back to a whole new world Bonnie Bennett".

She took his hand off her shoulder but kept it in her grasp, "Do you sometimes wonder what we'd be doing if we were still stuck in 1994?"

"You mean to the time before my girlfriend compelled herself to unlove me, my mother wasn't alive in a prison world and my brother hadn't flipped his switch?"

"Yes"

"No", he said shaking his head, "This world isn't perfect but it's better than that place. This is real"

It is, she thought, so how come she still felt so empty? She pushed at him to leave, "I've got to go apply and all. See you later Damon"

He gave her the thumbs up as she turned to leave which left her shaking her head as she walked into the store. She was hit with the scent of lavender as soon as she entered, the rich aroma engulfing the store.

"Hey Bonnie", the store's owner was named Ken Watanabi. He was in his fifties, spoke highly of her Grams and was a warlock. She knew that his grandfather had owned it and that he would have passed it on if he had had any children of his own. She liked coming here, loved bouncing ideas for new candles and oils with Ken. He'd said more than once that she could run the place but she always laughed it off because she couldn't picture herself as a business owner before when she wasn't sure if she'd last the month.

Now life was much calmer and she was straight up bored. "Hey Ken, are you still looking for someone to watch the store for you part time?"

"Of course, when do you want to start?"

"Aren't you going to interview me? Ask for my resume?"

"You know the product better than any of my other clients, you won't steal from me and I know your bloodline. You're hired".

"Good because while I could probably handle an interview I don't have anything to put in a resume" she admitted.

She held her hand out and he enveloped it with his as they shook on it. "Come back tomorrow afternoon and we'll hash it out Bonnie".

"I will see you Ken. Thanks again"

She left feeling lighter, hoping that this was a sign that her life was heading in the right direction.

It's been a week since she started working and Bonnie loves everything about helping Ken run the store. She's learning how to make candles and how to determine which scents match. It's a new part of her life, one that she hadn't thought would be in her future. But that was also because she didn't think she'd have a future.

The loneliness hasn't abated but it's less now, Ken is anchoring her in so many ways with this store and all of his teaching. The store has a healthy bustles of regular day time customers who range from witches to health nuts but as she usually works evenings, she doesn't get a lot of people coming in. That's when she does homework or she'll entertain her friends. Elena popped in after her rounds at the hospital and has spent the last fifteen minutes complaining about Damon. Elena complains about Damon a lot lately and not in a smile at the end because you love them anyways kind of way.

"He sits alone in the dark drinking and pouting about things he never wants to talk about. Says I won't get it because it's not about me" Elena frowns and Bonnie wonders sharply if she can comprehend a world where Damon doesn't live for her. "I want him to share himself but there's so much he keeps locked up since he came back. I thought at first he was still upset about me compelling away my love for him".

Bonnie's chewing on dried ginger as they lean on the counter near the cash register. Arching a brow she asks, "He's not?"

Running her fingers through her dark locks, Elena sighs, "He is but he's Damon and usually he'd get over it. But I don't know Bonnie, he's different now. I used to know how to read him. He would let me see every single part of him but now there's this chunk that's locked up and hidden from me". Her brown eyes sad now, "He's pulling away to place that I can't reach and now he wants space. Has he said anything to you?"

Careful not to choke on her snack, she asks, "Why would he tell me anything?"

"Bonnie you are practically best friends. You talk and text every day. I knew where to find you today because Damon knows where you are all the time. If I didn't trust you, I'd think something was going on there. Help me".

Lost for words, Bonnie cleared her throat, "Well did he say space or that he wanted to break up?"

"He didn't say either really. He kissed me once and pulled away to stare into my eyes. I thought it was odd but figured he was having a moment. Then he said he couldn't be with someone who would rather forget him than live with his memory forever. Since then we still see each other for bad guys stuff and sex but there's a wall between us that I can't break through".

Nodding Bonnie understood the frustration Elena was feeling, "He didn't say anything to me Elena but I do get it. He talked about you all the time when we were stuck in that prison, so it hurt him a lot when he came back and you forgot him. It's not like it was with me and Jeremy. We loved each other but it wasn't a forever type of love. You were supposed to be".

Elena slumped onto the counter as Bonnie patted her head. "I want to fix this because a part of me remembers loving him, my body and my heart want to be close to him but my mind is telling me to walk away. I'm so confused".

Bonnie could understand that as she was currently experiencing the same conundrum. She had decided to follow her mind but she couldn't tell Elena to do the same when she was in so much pain. _What about you?_ The voice that sounded like Caroline asked but she brushed it off. This was about Elena. "Follow your heart and if it still means an end for you two than at least you tried".

Elena smiled and grabbed a piece of dried ginger to nibble on. Glad her friend was in high spirits again but she walked away to close the store.

She was glad one of them was getting what they wanted.

It's happening in waves now. She'll be doing present day Bonnie things like homework or stock at work when a sound or scent brings forward a memory that is always tied to Damon.

Just this morning she found herself staring at a crow that was sitting on a branch outside of her classroom, thinking about Damon's silly trick. He admitted to her one day in 1994 that it was the best part about drinking fresh human blood.

"So it wasn't the fear and power of human life in your grasp?"

He's frowning at the checker board between them, tongue peeking out of the corner of his mouth as he contemplates his next move.

"Well that was fun but it gets a little dull after you've reached your third Becky and she tastes like whatever fun drug the kids are up to that decade"

"But Damon, a bird?" And she's trying hard not to laugh, from what she's heard about human blood from the source, it's an aphrodisiac that turns vamps into ravenous monsters. It makes you stronger, faster and gives you cool tricks. Yet from what Damon's telling her, the only real perk was bird shifting. And just like that she's folded over the checkers board laughing.

Then she'll snap back to the present filled with an ache for the one person she would be a fool to fall for. Bonnie had had enough so she decides she needs to speak to someone. For obvious reasons, she can't go to a therapist or counsellor because as soon as she mentioned being stuck in a 1994 prison world, she'd be shipped off to a mental institution. So she does the next best thing and goes to see her favourite ex bartender.

Matt Donovan has been her friend for as long as Caroline and Elena but being a boy he was delegated slightly below them in the hierarchy. Which worsened after he crashed and burned with both of her best friends. Thankfully they still make time for each other during the crazy days of their current lives.

"Hey Bonnie, what's up?" Matt meets her on a park bench in the afternoon sun, his baby blue eyes are less intense than Damon's but filled with a genuine warmth that she finds comfort in.

"I've been feeling, out of sorts since I came back. Like I don't fit here anymore"

"Is this a new feeling?"

She looked down at her hands, wondering if he was on to something. Her life before her deaths weren't always happy and she'd started looking at life on a day by day basis while Klaus was in town knowing that witches had a short life expectancy when he was around.

"I saw you at the end of high school Bon. You were going through the motions but you didn't seem excited for the next stage".

Nodding she admitted, "I wasn't excited then and I don't feel excited now".

"So what's changed?"

Groaning she put her face in her hands knowing she'd have tell Matt everything, "Damon kissed me".

"Huh?"

"Matt I just told you that Damon Salvatore kissed me. I'm telling you that he released this floodgate inside of me that I'd kept locked up. He makes me want things that I have stopped wanting. And all you can say is 'huh'".

Pursing his lips, he looked away in deep thought before saying, "Huh".

She let out a mini scream.

"Hey Bon it's okay. I had a relationship with two vampires so I know that they're people too. I'm not going to judge you for whatever it is you have going on with Damon. Does it have anything to do with 1994? I know you don't like talking about it…"

Bonnie had decided early on not to talk about 1994. She didn't want to go back, not in body or mind. It's just that she knows that she's cut off a huge chunk of the person she's become by denying that part of herself but she doesn't want to be Poor Bonnie Bennett anymore. That girl was sad and pathetic who let other people's lives have more importance than her own.

It's been a long time coming but she sees it for the destructive path that it was. She wants to be as normal and happy as everyone else gets to be. No one wants to be burdened by the heavy weight of responsibility all the time. The only problem is that New Bonnie wants someone that the Old Bonnie is having trouble accepting.

"There are some scars that may never heal Matt but there are parts of 1994 that are special to me. Happy times that I will always remember. Damon's a big part of those good days and now he's in me in ways I'm still trying to figure out". She leaned into her friend, needing the contact, "I just want to find out where I belong now. Where's home Matt?"

Clasping her hand in his he kissed her forehead, "We'll find it Bon, everyone deserves a place where they belong".

****************

When Bonnie's alone without Elena's heavy gaze and Caroline's knowing smile and Matt's warm hugs that she lets herself think about him. Not that him. Not Jeremy. She loves him with the gentle caress of first love and knowing that he's out there, that he's happy, makes her heart lighter.

No this _love_ is as much destructive as it is binding. It's a giant storm with swirling emotions of equal measure that battle for dominance in the way he battles for dominance whenever they argue. Lust, anger, comfort, amusement, friendship and frustration were bad enough but it was the joy and relief she felt every time he entered a room that threatened to be her undoing.

Normally she'd box it up tight and avoid but life has a way of being the worst especially in Mystic Falls. She's pretty good about playing the part at meetings too. They bicker, she hurts him to teach him his place and then eventually folds to his bidding. Even their newfound closeness had an easy routine that the gang accepted.

Rinse. Lather. Repeat.

But the sneaky vampire found a way around all of that with his even sneakier vampire talents. More specifically his ability to go into dreams.

The first time she thought she dreamed him, accepting that her subconscious wanted her to dig deep to talk about things she couldn't speak to Matt about. She spoke about Kai. What he did to her, how she'd been terrorized and abused and tortured by him. How she raged and raged and even cried about how much he hurt her by pushing Kai at her face. He knew. He was there. Why would he think that she'd just be moved by false words from an even falser human being? Even if Kai was being truthful why would Damon force her to deal with that so soon after the nightmare? The memories still so fresh that she'd been afraid to look down fearing she'd be covered in blood again. Nights where she awoke in the dark, scared that she was locked in a trunk again.

She said all of that and more, motivated less by the blinding rage that cut into his flesh earlier and more by the hurt. Her friends were okay with working with him because he was a nuisance to them. To her he would always be more. He was her nightmare. Dream Damon, held her and kissed her forehead, soothing her as the tremors subsided. Not speaking but watching with careful eyes. It was what she needed and so unlike him that she had believed him to be a figment of her imagination.

He'd come to her three days later, quiet and humble. Bonnie expected glib apologies wrapped up in the need for her magic but it hadn't come. Instead he pulled her into a tight hug and just like that she knew.

But she never asked the question though the words were on the tip of her tongue.

The next couple of dreams were tense. They'd be back in that house, in that year and it would feel the same but it also felt like another lifetime. In reality they kept up appearances by figuring out how to get through the current crisis. This time they're saving Damon's mother and for that they needed Kai. Damon had come up with an idea to double cross him while still getting what they wanted.

It was a shock to her system that he'd given her a license to kill when she was usually the one standing in his way whenever he was feeling bloodlust. The plan worked perfectly, the knife she stabbed into his back giving her the strength she needed to regain to feel sane again.

The night after Kai's death, Bonnie felt another block of weight disappear off her heart and a sense of contentment had her slip into a peaceful sleep.

She awoke in Damon's room, on his bed as he lounged in a chair next to it. She wasn't sure what to say or what this was and kept her thoughts to herself. He on the other hand, spoke enough for the both of them.

"Alaric was a vampire and now he's going to be a dad"

Rolling on to her back, her hands fisted in his silk sheets, she gazes at the silver stars she'd convinced him to put on his ceiling in 1994. It was a nice surprise to see them here too. "Do you want to be a dad?"

He shrugged and Bonnie's hungry eyes caught his body's movements from the corner of her eye. She couldn't shake the attraction she felt towards him and during their days in the real world she kept a latch on it. But in these dreams it was just her and Damon. She figured she deserved this one thing here. And he didn't seem to mind.

"I don't not want to be a dad but I've also been dead for over a hundred years so I assumed it wasn't a possibility."

"Well if you were human you could be a dad"

"I don't want to be human Bon Bon". He pointed to his face, "I'd start to wrinkle and my hair would fall out. I'm gunning for hot until I turn to dust".

"Pretty boy"

"And proud of it". His voice is serious, "Are you better now?"

"I feel better. Lighter, like a nightmare has been vanquished". Rolling onto her side, she faces him, "Thank you for giving me that".

"The guy was a jerk"

Bonnie rolled her eyes, "I thought he was your new bestie".

"I understood Kai," Damon admitted, "He's evil but at several times in my long life I was like him. Evil and all grrrr for the fun of it. I could still be that person if I hadn't loved Elena".

"Loved?"

He's startled by her question. "Love. I love Elena. She's the love of my life"

Bonnie pauses, wanting to push and interrogate until she gets to the truth. Because it sounds like he's trying to convince himself about his feelings. She's not sure why or how or even if this could be real. Damon and Elena was what he always wanted and he finally got the girl and the hero hat and he should be sure of this. But the fact is that he's faltering, she can hear it in his voice. The way he's avoiding her eyes at the moment.

When he pushes out of her mind, she wakes up alone and puzzled. Worse than that, she wakes up with a new facet to what she's now calling Hurricane Damon.

Hope.

****************

Caroline calls her the next day for a shopping trip, apologizing on the phone (yet again) for her reaction to Bonnie's return when she was all "flipped switch evil Caroline" as she now refers to it. Bonnie can't help the twitch of her lips as Caroline describes the perfect skirt down to its maya blue shade that she knows she can get a discount on.

"Please don't tell me you're going to compel salespeople?"

"No, the last time I was there they had only one in stock so if it's still there than I'll talk them into giving me a discount since it was the floor model. I'm done using my powers for evil" and she sounds so determined that Bonnie laughs full out.

"Oh good" Caroline says sounding relieved and happy.

"What?"

"I haven't heard you laugh, really laugh since you came back"

Bonnie scrunches her nose, thinking back to her time in the present.

"Bonnie, it's okay. You were so alone and we haven't exactly been smothering you since you came back. It takes time."

She slid down against the wall under she was sitting on the floor unhappy about this realization. Sure she was back, had a job and she had all her friends around her. But it hadn't fixed her, it hadn't changed her for the better. "I didn't even notice" she whispered to herself though she knew that with her super hearing Caroline had heard as well.

"You don't have to. That's my job. Just like your job was bringing me back to myself before I did something I couldn't come back from", she's light and breezy with her words but Bonnie can sense the vulnerability underneath. Caroline was always great with comforting other people, giving them bits of her strength but she never quite seemed to understand her own worth.

"I love you"

"I love you" Pause, "So we're going to meet at one in front of the Body Shop, okay. And you can start thinking up excuses when I ask you about what's going on between you and a certain annoying Salvatore"

Bonnie opens her mouth in surprise and is met with a dial tone. God how she'd missed Caroline for all her insufferable traits. It doesn't even shock her that Caroline had picked up on it and would steam roll her into telling her the truth. Maybe she would.

But would that make it real? Whatever _this_ was could just be a couple of dreams and the reaction to being stuck together. It could be all in her head. Damon Salvatore was in love with Elena Gilbert. The end. Period. She never stood a chance.

She was just Bonnie. Hopefully that would be enough for someone, someday. But not this man who looked at Elena like she was the sun. And not today with the girl who forgot to laugh with so much emptiness inside of her.

Caroline proved to be the pick me up she needed and a happy Bonnie settled into bed, weary yet unable to put a stop to this thing between them. She recalled her discussion with Caroline after she'd come clean about the mess of things that her newfound attraction to Damon was causing.

"It's not that we had a perfect time in 1994. Damon and I fought a lot and I stormed off angrily more times than I can remember but it was ours. His and mine. And we played. Board games, card games, memory games, we watched movies and listened to music together. We cooked and laughed and cried and we leaned on each other so much for our survival"

Caroline was careful with the next words, "Do you think that maybe it's transference due to your time trapped together?"

"I thought so at first" she admitted, the feelings so foreign to her in the beginning that she'd tried to analyze them away, "But you know when you're having a shitty day and you see Stefan? And you get that feeling in the pit of your gut because your entire being is shouting mine and it feels so right that you can't even remember why your day was shitty to begin with?"

Her best friend smiled in response placing her hand on top of Bonnie's. "Look this is complicated and it involves the people I love and a person I don't particularly like most of the time but you deserve to be happy and if that means being selfish than that's what you'll have to learn to be Bonnie Bennett". It was classic Caroline comfort and just what Bonnie needed.

Done with the serious talk, Caroline patted her hand and led them to another store, complaining loudly about Stefan loving his bike more than her.

Now that she was alone, she felt a stab of guilt at withholding the dreams from their discussion but she wanted to keep something that was hers. She was also not sure if this would be seen as them crossing the line. She reminded herself that she was allowed to be selfish then she closed her eyes giving herself up completely to sleep.

As usual, after she opened her eyes she found herself in the Salvatore Boarding house but there was no touch of 90's nostalgia in this room. It was modern and fresh and as much a home to her.

In the centre of it was Damon sitting with his arms along the top of the couch. She walks over to sit beside him, waiting for whatever crisis he needed to discuss.

He hasn't say a thing and stubborn she chose to be as silent. Folding her arms, she felt her temper rise. Sighing, she glances a look at his profile, breathing in the arch of his brows and all the angles that made up his face. He really was a beautiful man. All that harsh, brute strength hidden in that lithe frame and enough charm to tempt a nun from her duty.

It was so hard not reacting to him.

Sighing she loosened her tight frame to lean against his arm. "You're pouting"

His mouth stretched in a thin line, his fingers playing the strands of her hair. "What if I am?"

"Tell me"

The single command garnered a stiff dialogue about moms and brothers and family. It was all very Damon she thought. To love with every fibre of his being in that pigheadedly determined way he went about…. well everything. Only to feel second best where it matters.

His hand slid up to cup her neck and she leaned into it, seeking and giving the only comfort she knew. Placing her hand timidly on his chest, she patted and rubbed at his chest. He was all muscles and it takes a lot of effort to keep her hand on top of his shirt instead of sticking it underneath like she wanted. His body started to relax and loosen as he melts into her embrace. She wondered briefly if this was how it would be after sex.

Bonnie grows tense at the dangerous directions her thoughts are taking and he rolls his head onto her shoulder. "Hey it's just you and me right now"

She knew then that it wouldn't be enough and hoped that whatever happened, she wouldn't be hurt too much in the end.

****************

Telling Elena was becoming more and more of a reality, they hadn't done more than touch since the kiss and that was already driving Bonnie crazy. She's woken up wet and needy every single night this week. Her showers were not helping which meant she was a walking time bomb of sexual craving. She'd managed to stay out of his way in reality since the last dream, not trusting that she could keep her hands to herself. Damon must have had the same idea because she hadn't caught a glance of him either.

The dreams had stopped. Before she would have said this was for the best but it hurt to not see or feel him. It hurt not sitting next to him, feeling the graze of his hand at the back of her neck. Smelling the earthy scent of his being. At the heart of the lust and anger and drama surrounded them, they were friends. She missed her friend.

She could not get Damon off her mind or out of her thoughts which had her on edge in the worst way. Thankfully, she now had a group picnic Caroline was planning to look concentrate on. Hopefully being surrounded by her friends would be the distraction she needed.

The sun is a bright blob high in a clear blue sky, the smell of barbecues wafting here and there. Bonnie breathes in with her eyes closed feeling the buzz and hum of nature running through her. The world is so full of life that the darkness can't drown all of it out and she can't imagine a better day than today. Dressed in a tank and a cut off, Bonnie's lying on a beach towel in the park with Caroline, Matt and Tyler. Elena was on her way.

She feels Elena's anger before the other girl stands before her, the sun at her back creating a halo illuminating her dark curls. They blow around like snakes and Bonnie blinks at the terrible beauty before her.

"We need to talk"

Bonnie sits up, sliding her sunglasses above her head. "What is it Elena?" She phrases it as a question but she already knows why Elena is here. Why she's angry.

"Damon broke up with me"

Heart in her throat, Bonnie gets up unsure if she should take a step towards her friend. "I'm so so sorry Elena"

"Really? Or are you secretly happy? He's in love with you" Her tone is incredulous. Bonnie's not sure if she's more shocked that Damon could be in love with anyone else or that anyone could love Bonnie more than her. Elena's hands grip her shoulder, "How could you?"

Bonnie's magic reacts pushing Elena back. Breathing heavy, she holds her hand out in case Elena, _her best friend,_ tries to hurt her. Everything is suddenly too much for her, mind racing, heart drumming. Damon dumped Elena. Elena lost. Was she the winner? Was there a winner? She watches Elena, remembering a time when they were at war like this and thinks that none of this is right. Not then, not now. Was Damon worth the cost?

Yes.

It's almost as if the only thing that made sense anymore was Damon. The answer is that she needs him more. This need had fettered, stuttered and blossomed from the days of their prison in 1994. Maybe even before that when they'd begrudgedley formed a partnership to save the lives of their loved one's. One minute she'd been fine, the next she'd been infected with this craving for him. She thought she'd have been okay with friendship but if this is how she was after no contact for less than a week, how could she ignore that this had become much more? And that was the crux of it. All this skirting around the issue of what he meant to her, when he'd proven enough in that cave back in 1994.

Damon wanted nothing more than to go home to his love and brother but in those seconds when she had used the very last of her strength to get him out, he hadn't want to go. His eyes and voice screamed no as her tears blurred her vision because leaving meant leaving together.

He'd said as much when she'd seen him that first time. They were still wrapped up in each other as he grumbled into her neck, "No more risking yourself Bon Bon, you're not alone". She hadn't been either. Since she came back Damon had been a constant shadow.

"He's mine" Elena growled, her veins turning black as her monster took control.

Caroline, Matt and Tyler are between them now but Bonnie is a witch, a Bennett witch, and she's not easily startled by a vampire as young as Elena.

Hands raised again, Bonnie takes a deep breath, knowing that her next words will hurt her friend, "I wanted to tell you Elena"

Caroline looks sad as she wraps her arms around Elena, comforting the girl as she starts to fall apart. She can play at being a badass vampire but underneath is still the girl whose parents died so she could live. Even now Bonnie wants to go to her. Instead she begins to collect her things knowing that it's time for her to go. The sun is hidden and this is just another tragic day in Mystic Falls.

Matt has gone off to help Caroline while Tyler walks her to her car. He's silent and broody and he reminds her of their days in middle school before he grew muscles and an attitude. He hands her his beer, she takes a pull before handing it back to him.

"Say it" She knows it's coming and from Tyler no less. Fitting in a way that reminded her of how things had changed lately.

"I got nothing" his probing eyes remain judgement free. It's refreshing and puzzling and before she can help it she brushes her hand down the side of his face.

She hops into her car, pausing because he's seemed to have found something.

"Did I ever thank you for saving my life?"

She thinks back to that time when she was at peace, having accepted death as an inevitability. Bygones and hope and finality hit her in waves sometimes when she's resting. Omens, she thinks then, the start of a good day. As terrible as dying that second death was, there was a peace at knowing that she'd lived her life and had this amazing reprieve where she could live and laugh and love one last time. Who else had that before they died?

She doesn't answer because the answer is always a no when faced with gratitude of her friends. They never quite understood that power was blood and life, hers to give with nothing to receive.

"I didn't think so. You do a lot of good things for other people without expecting anything for yourself. Maybe it's time to take what's yours"

"And if it's not mine to take?"

Tyler's smile is full of teeth, "Take it anyways"

****************  
Tyler's words echo in her head on the drive home and as much as Bonnie wants to be that person, she's not Caroline or Elena. She doesn't take unless it's conflict free and this is so not that.

Whatever people say, the Salvatore's are Elena's in ways that go deeper than the years. There's this connection that run through the three of them, love and violence and want that have bonded the blood. It would be suicide to attempt to get in between them.

And she's already died twice.

She drives to work, hoping that Ken has a lot for her to do today. She needs a distraction in the worst way. Thankfully Ken notices she needs a challenge and they get to work making new candles, experimenting with scents as he tells her about his life.

"I never wanted this store" He tells her as they watch the wax boil.

"Why? It's a great store"

"I was young and uninterested in being tied down to one place. I already had a home, what I craved was adventure".

Bonnie had too much adventure in her short life but she could empathize with Ken's youthful desires. "What happened?"

"My father died and I couldn't bear to sell the store. I hated it at first, I had just finished college in the big city and I wanted to be there instead of dull old Mystic Falls. But one day I realized that it wasn't so bad. Most of my friends had moved on to dull jobs where they had to wear suits and ties every day while I owned my own business and could wear whatever I wanted".

Bonnie watched him place wickers into the candle molds, intrigued in the rest of his story.

"Most of all, this place grounds me. People like us need nature to feel peace and that's what this place is. A plot of outside, we've tamed enough to keep inside. I saw how you've been lately Bonnie and this store tells me that you're needed here. So you can heal from whatever ails you and also to guide you forward"

Bonnie pours the boiling wax into the molds that Ken has just set up, quiet as she thinks over his words. "I love it here. My head is clear and I feel like I could be here for a long time".

He pulls off his apron, tilting his head, "The store is yours when I die. It chose you, like it chose my family long ago. It's your home too".

Swallowing the lump in her throat, Bonnie reach up on her tip toes to hug Ken. "Thank you"

"Thank you for surviving so you could get be here".

Ken leaves her alone to clean up, giving Bonnie lots of time to think about what he said. As much as she loves this store, it's not enough. Neither is her dorm room or her family home. It's not in the forests, beneath a star filled sky or in a creepy old mansion guarding the bones of dead witches.

Maybe home isn't a place. Maybe it's not something that can be burned down or a tree trunk for her to carve her name in. What if home was a person who made her smile and laugh and cry and rage? What if it was snarky and annoying but also vulnerable and comforting?

It would have to be Damon in the end she groans but that's quickly replaced with a smile because he's a lot of things but he's also hers in ways she should have realized. He was the most frustrating person she had ever met and yet he was also the only person that made her lose control. The only person that made her delirious with need to be better and stronger. He forced her to face her mortality and fought the hardest to bring her back when even she stopped believing.

Most of all, he was willing to wait for her to figure this all out for herself. Ken was right she had to survive the nightmares to make it here. She had to want to live again to truly appreciate these gifts. She hadn't wanted to live for so long that it had been hard wanting to again. But she did, now, tomorrow and the day after that. God how she wanted to live.

Finished cleaning up she says her good bye to Ken, planning to go to her dorm. Instead she finds herself at a particular boarding house and there's a Salvatore in the drive way. Stefan's fixing his bike, she says hello as she passes him.

There's humour in his voice when he calls out, "I'm glad it's you".

She slides her shades on top of her head, crossing her arms, "Why? Can't stand the fact that your brother stole your girl?"

Stefan grins easily and as much as she tries to understand it, she can't imagine picking him first.

"One, I'm happy with Caroline. Two, I think it's time we both got out of the doppelgänger business"

He goes back to his bike, leaving her to wonder why his opinion and acceptance matters at this point in the game. But she always respected the younger Salvatore and its great knowing that this isn't as insane as it feels.

Taking a gulp of air to settle her sweaty palms, Bonnie walks into the house and quietly shuts the door.

Her feet move of their own volition as she's drawn to the only person she has ever trusted with the dark parts of herself.

Damon's lounging on his bed, one hand wrapped around a glass of red liquid while the other rests behind his head. "Bonnie" his smile is wry yet tentative. His lights are off but he has lit candles scattered around, casting shadows around his room. It looks as it always has; silk black sheets, heavy dark curtains hung wide open to welcome the setting sun, equally dark dressers and in the centre of it is Damon. His eyes are following her moments, his body is deadly calm and it hits her how dangerous he could be when he wants.

"Let me guess, you ran into Elena?"

Nodding she stops before his bed, "What did you say to her?"

His arms stretch along the headboard as he grimaces. "I must be insane because I had the perfect girlfriend'. His eyes capture hers as he continues, "I had to fall for the one girl who drives me nuts for fun and walks around with a death wish".

Folding her arms, she narrowed her eyes feeling the need to defend herself, "How do you think I feel? You're disgusting, a murderer and you are the most annoying man I have ever met".

"Yet here we are"

"Here we are"

Bonnie thinks that this is the perfect time for "the talk". The big declarations can happen, they'll figure out what to do with Elena and they'll decide how to proceed from here. It's something the old Bonnie would do and it's logical. Cold, clinical and boring but it's the right thing to do.

Instead she says, "So we should fuck?" not wanting to waste a single minute more.

He's a blur then suddenly he's in front of her, solid and real in a way that her dreams hadn't allowed. "Succinct Bon Bon".

She smooth's her hands up his chest over his button up and leans in to place a kiss in the space where the buttons stop in response.

The next second she's on her back with his hands under her shirt. "Couldn't stay away huh? I did say I had the answer to all your prayers"

"God are you going to talk the whole time" she asks because he would and while his fingers kneading at her breast is a good type of distraction, Bonnie has other ideas for his mouth.

She shares a few with him and in another couple of seconds her shirts across the room with her bra and shorts. Clad in only her panties, she should feel vulnerable as he's fully dressed but somehow that makes this thing sexier so she goes with the flow.

Damon's placing soft kisses along her chest causing her to gasp. His fingers play with her nipples, tugging gently at the tips. Her gasps turn into moans then she's pulling his wet mouth upwards for a blinding kiss full of teeth and pent up frustration. His hand at the nape of her neck is oddly possessive but in this moment she wants him to claim her. She knows that he wants the same so she presses kisses along his jaw, finally nipping at his throat. He growls then cups her over her panties and Bonnie wonders if she should be embarrassed at how wet she is right now.

After another scorching kiss, Damon's starts moving down her body. He takes her right breast in his mouth, palming the other and her body tightens with need. Bonnie's legs wrap around his waist, rubbing to find the friction she needs.

"You taste so good" he says after releasing her nipple. "Let's see if you're even sweeter down under".

He's tugging her legs loose then kissing her abdomen when Bonnie processes his words. Her body humming in anticipation. Damon rips her underwear off and runs his tongue along her slit before spreading her open for a French kiss. She explodes fast and hard and there are still tremors running through her when he presses his hand down to keep her in place. His mouth licking, sucking and his fangs grazing her tender folds.

Bonnie screams, vaguely questioning it because she doesn't scream during sex. Ever. Her throat is dry when she comes back to herself. Damon's petting her, smirking the entire time and for once she allows it because it is well deserved.

"Mmmmm. Let's do that some more later" he says as he pulls down his pants, then his boxers. Out of breath she watches as he grips his cock, tugging towards the head. Heat starts building in anticipation of the finale.

Damon teases her folds with his cock, brushing back and forth, the barest of touches with never the right amount of friction she needs. Agitated with need, she pushes heat into her fingers, digging deep into his flesh. Bonnie wants him now.

He leans over for a kiss, then grabs at her waist and starts to push into her. He groans and she whimpers. The pleasure, pain sensation almost too much after his brand of foreplay. But the pleasure wins out and she rolls her hips up invitingly.

"Little witch", groaning her name into her neck, he sets a slow pace. Hips rocking, muscles straining with the need to be in control of this dance between the two of them.

Flesh sizzles as Bonnie warns him to go faster, deeper to places she only wants him to know. A shaky laugh escapes his lips but he continues at his own pace. It's not that it's not good but after all this waiting, she wants him with a passion that needs to mark him as hers. To be marked in return. They could cuddle and hold hands another time, this first time was about being utterly fucked.

With that on her mind she bites his neck. His body freezes in a lethal stillness. Then she's flipped over onto her stomach and he's pounding into her. Her body is aflame with his primal thrusts and she comes with his name on her lips and his blood coating her fingers. Damon doesn't stop too caught up in claiming her body. She tilts her head, baring her neck and he's biting her. Bonnie gasps, this sensation causing pleasure so far removed from the last time he bit her. Stars burst before her eyes, Damon growls coming right after her.

Bonnie wants to smile but finds anything but breathing too strenuous at the moment. She lets Damon flip them both so she's lying on his chest. Content to pat his body in thanks for rocking her world, she pushes the "what next" thoughts from her mind.

They'd already wasted too much time getting here, she wanted to bask in the afterglow thank you very much.

"So, was it everything you dreamed it would be?"

So much for basking.

Propping herself on her elbows, she makes sure to dig deeply into his chest before retorting, "It was good when you stopped playing around. Guess I'll have to walk you through yet another thing Damon." Her breathing is still unsteady, contrasting with her words but she likes teasing him because someone has to save him from his ego.

Blue eyes narrowed, "You came more than once. I'd say I got this whole sex thing covered. Not to mention I've been doing it much longer than you have".

Shrugging she hid a smile in his chest, "Wow that makes it so much more sad that there's still room for improvement". Her voice pure silk, loving how easily they'd fallen back into their bantering.

She'd feared that they would be awkward after the sex. Uncertain of how to handle yet another layer of their relationship, this time with the stakes much higher.

Damon's hand cupped her possessively, warming her used cunt up. "I guess we'll have to practice a lot".

And they did.

The thing about a happily ever after is that life doesn't actually stop or they'd have spent the rest of her natural life wrapped up in each other in bed. Stretching the next day she winces feeling the physical evidence of his passion for her, happy even with the discomfort.

Damon grunts behind her before pulling her on top of him, nuzzling at her throat.

"I need to see Elena"

He doesn't stop nuzzling her and she allows it for a minute before pulling back. "She's my friend and I took something very important from her. She cried Damon." Those tears hadn't managed to infiltrate her need for Damon yesterday but now they had creeped back in. "I need to make her understand".

"And if she doesn't?"

She didn't want to think about what would happen if Elena rebuffed her but it was more likely to come to pass, "Then I'll come back to you sad that I've lost my friend forever".

His hands start patting her curves, he was giving her the same comfort that she'd given him days before. Her love for him growing as he gave to make her feel better. This was the Damon who held her at night when she was sad in 1994, who watched The Body Guard a dozen times because she loved it. He gave her Kai when she wanted his head on a platter as an apology and didn't stop trying to save her even when others had. This man was also a monster, one that had hurt her in the past and he'd hurt her again. But she'd hurt him too. That was the way of love after all. They'd fight and yell and bleed but then they'd come back to each other. That was the way of them.

As they lay there wrapped up in each other, she knows that even if Elena hated her, she wouldn't regret this. Not now, not ever.

His grip is on her hair as he leans down to kiss her. It's soft and sweet and unlike everything she'd known Damon to be in the past before he opened himself to her and she sighs into it. He pulls back then kisses her forehead, "If you're not here before sunset, I'll find you". His voice pure gravel.

"Is this the part where I say I love you because you used your sexy caveman voice?" She finds the strength to pull away from his embrace, pulling his t shirt over her head and looks for her discarded clothes. She could have worn her t shirt but finds the idea of wearing his clothes far more appealing. Now if she could only find her underwear.

Damon's silent as she searches his room, giving her time to push down the anxiety that comes with the L word. She wants to take them back but a bigger part of her wants him to know that she's here one hundred percent. There is no turning back from them. Not when he's carved a place for himself in her heart.

Giving up on her underwear, she climbs back onto his bed pecking his lips and evading his hands so she can leave. Her hand is on the door knob when he does reply.

"Do you?"

"Yes" She doesn't turn around, doesn't give in to the doubt clouding both of them. "Tonight it's your turn"

She leaves to the sound of his laughter, smiling to herself. No matter what happened next, she would return to him and he'd make it alright.

Elena isn't happy about any of this and Bonnie is too wrapped up in basking to let it bum her out completely. There's a lot of yelling, mostly Elena but Bonnie loses her cool a couple of times too. The worst is the crying because Elena's tears has always ripped at a place within her for as long as she can remember. But she holds it together because Damon's waiting.

"Don't you feel guilty?" Elena asks after they've both winded down.

They're across from each other on a park picnic table near the water hole from their childhood. Bonnie's eyes slide from Elena to the scenery around them. The sun is shining high in the sky and she can hear the distant voices of children playing in the woods. She missed this, being a part of the world was something she took for granted before. Her eyes landed back on Elena, knowing what the other girl wanted her to hear. She wanted Bonnie to be guilty and apologetic and beg for her forgiveness.

"I do because I hurt you but I don't regret what I have with Damon. I can't Elena. He's inside me so deep that I don't know how I survived without him there. I don't want to lose you but I can't lose him"

"Yeah Damon has a way of doing that" Elena's voice is heavy and sad and Bonnie would normally wrap herself around her friend to make her feel better. But this time the pain was caused by her and she can't protect or help Elena with it.

"So…. Where do we stand?" The echo of a question asked years ago when another Salvatore vampire caused a rift between them. This time she was standing by hers and Elena was the one who would have to deal with it if they were going to remain friends.

Sighing, Elena tucked a strand of hair behind her ears. Eyes steady she returned Bonnie's question, "I need to leave for a bit. I'll go visit Jer during first semester, maybe longer."

Nodding because she expected as much, Bonnie figured that it would be hard for her in a town without a Salvatore in her arms. They were hers for so long that she forgot how to stand on her own, this would be good for her.

Maybe they were all finally getting past their doppelgänger phase?

"I'll write to you Bonnie" '

Bonnie couldn't stop herself from reaching out for Elena's hand. "I'd like that"

They both stayed a little while longer.

It's after sunset when Bonnie walked through the doors of the Salvatore Boarding House. Drained from her goodbye with Elena, she detoured to her apartment to grab some clothes and her grimoire before heading back to her home.

She snuck into the house, trying to be as quiet as a mouse as she tip toed up the stairs wincing at the floorboards under her feet. Damon's door creaks when she slid inside his room and she couldn't prevent the sound of her clothes rustling as she took them off. Bonnie only had to slip into bed with a quiet Damon and she'd have pulled one over super ears but of course he couldn't give her that.

Bonnie was on her back and under solid male flesh before she was even under the sheet properly.

"You're late"

"You're insufferable"

The moon hung high and full behind him, illuminating Damon's pale flesh. His hair dark and moody just like him except for his eyes. They were blue and bright and steady. She pulled him down for a deep, wet kiss pouring her emotional rollercoaster of a day into him. Knowing that he could take it, as he takes her rage and even her violence, Damon can take every single bit of her and still ask for more. The feeling excites her.

"You okay?"

"Yeah" Blinking she realizes that this is the first time since she's been back that she means it. "I want you"

He smirks, "I am loving this side of you Bennett".

She rolls her eyes before pulling him down for another kiss. This one hard and rough, all teeth and their love making matches in stride. His right hand gripping at her breast while his free hand rips away her underwear before sliding a single digit inside her cunt.

His mouth is nipping at her neck, then one finger becomes two and another digit joins the party. It isn't before long that Bonnie's trembling underneath him. Damon's patting her as she comes down but Bonnie's just getting started. She grabs his cock, sliding her hand along his shaft. Damon pushes her hand away, then pushes into her. Grabbing his hair back up for a kiss, his hips rock into hers with a frenzy that Bonnie can't keep up with. Instead she pours everything else into their kiss, only moving to force his head along her neck.

His name is on her tongue as he bites down, the climax wringing her body dry making her words unintelligible. Damon mouthing words along his bite when he comes after two more pumps.

She welcomes his weight when he tries to flip them, loving the heat and the way his body crowds her in the best possible way. They lay there until the sweat starts to dry and she allows him to move her on top of his chest.

"See, I told you it was your turn" she teases as he pulls her closer.

"I had to fall in love with a snarky Bennett witch"

Bonnie's smile is huge because she knows he's teasing, even with the pout on his lips. This feels normal and fun and she figures that even though their life is far from normal at least they have this. They have love and each other, they have friends who may not always be around but still mattered. She may not know what the future holds but with Damon at her side at least she knows she's not alone.

She's home.


End file.
